Sunday, January 3, 2010

Insomnia


It’s amazing, really, how things change. I went from having four blogs bookmarked: Mine, Allie’s, Jiyun’s and Reem’s–to twelve. I feel like a trend setter! That’s something new. And what else is new is that i’m typing this from the local Borders Books & Cafe. Free Wi-Fi, isn’t that just splendid?

Sitting in Mass today, with my head tucked within my palms, I thought about reading. Not the act of reading or the desire to, I thought of how it affects the human psyche. In my head I carefully slid out a giant, white canvas and looked upon it. Then I recalled all the novels I had read in the past. Of course I couldn’t think of them all, but as the titles appeared, I painted the vividness of the scenes I could remember from each novel. I thought of the multitude of stars Mr. Wind-Up Bird saw from the bottom of a well. I thought of the lovers entwined in each other’s arms in the darkness of a park in Dublin. I recalled a rotting, green corpse sitting on the back of a wagon driven by the Bundren family towards New Hope. I thought of the dancing skeletons of lightning gazed upon by Gabriel Oak and Bathsheba and the silk worm eggs within a precious tin box, held in the arms of Desdemona.

As these fierce and beautiful images filled and painted the canvas, I could feel my eyeballs dart back and forth behind the closed curtains of my eyelids. My mind, flooded by wondrous lands and smells and the sounds of familiar voices, head feeling lighter and my eyes fluttered open.

The sun had broken through the clouds and shone through the grand stained glass windows of the church onto the praying people in pews. Reciting words memorized from years of attendance. Robotic speech and movement. I let my eyes adjust to the light and I took a deep breath. I looked down at my hands because that’s what I do when I am unsure of my own existence.